God's Faithfulness in the Midst of Hardship...part 1

  When people go through hard things, a lot of people say, "well, the Lord won't give you anything you can't handle." I know this is meant as an encouragement, and I appreciate that. I may have even said that to other people before. Something inside of me now, though, has shifted. In recent years, our family has been through heavy struggles and I have honestly felt like God has given me a lot of things that I couldn't handle...of myself. I think that is kind of the point, though. We weren't meant to handle things on our own if Christ is in us. When we face things, it is He who handles it, but we have to let go and let Him provide, direct, and guide through what is happening. It is not easy. It requires humility, and sometimes stepping into uncertainty. Faith. About 4 1/2 years ago my family and I were faced with circumstances that we had never faced before. Physical and emotional challenges that were way beyond our ability to handle on our own. As we walked through that time, and now faced even more...new...challenges in 2016, my relationship with God has developed into something even deeper. A place of utter dependency on Him that I've never had before. He has guided and provided in our circumstances in ways that I never could of myself. I wanted to share part of our story in a way that reflects God's faithfulness, so I'm going to focus on the aspect of His provision and how He has worked in our lives. I pray now that He will guide and direct my words so that the focus is not on us, but on Him.

   It's hard to know where to begin. In 2012, I had our third child after a difficult pregnancy. That year was nothing like we thought. We knew this would be our last baby, so I wanted to enjoy every second, but it was tough. I had a 4 and 2 year old that turned a year older right before the baby came, so we were in the middle of homeschooling, potty training that wasn't going well, and I was overwhelmed. Then the baby came and he had terrible reflux, I was exhausted, and our older kids had some ENT issues we had to address. The baby was 3 months old when our big kids had surgeries (on the same day!). Not only was this a physically and emotionally overwhelming, but financially overwhelming as well. But we were confident this was the Lord's direction for us, and we really couldn't postpone the health issues that needed addressing, so we went forward. When the baby was about 4 months old, I discovered a lump in my neck. This raised all kinds of fears within me, but my husband was very calming and we were praying. God wasn't going to give us too much, right? The lump turned out to have a 50-50 chance of being thyroid cancer, but cancer or not, it had to come out. It was sitting right on my esophagus and getting bigger. We prayed and our surgeon felt that he could remove the lump without removing the thyroid and I wouldn't have to be on medication the rest of my life. We just knew God had answered our prayers and we agreed to take a chance that it wouldn't be cancer. Well...weeks later the biopsy came back and it was cancer. I would have to have another surgery and have my thyroid removed completely. The surgeon called me personally and I was devastated. I had many thoughts during this process of what would happen if I died, if my husband were left with three small children on his own, and how I would miss everyone. My faith felt like it took a hit (what was God's plan in this?!). I really believe I was also having post-pardem depression, but I had so many other things going on to feel down about it was hard to know for sure. I was sleep deprived. Our medical debt was building. Between my thyroid surgeries, my husband's mother passed away. It was like blow after blow to our family. I wasn't handling what God was giving me too well. It was definitely the hardest days I had faced in my life up to this point.
   God had not abandoned us, by any means. When we were at a big lows, God filled in the gap. Friends from church offered us a free week at their beach house to minister to us...what a blessing as we couldn't afford even a simple vacation, not to mention a beach vacation. A dear friend of mine recognized the signs of depression and took me to lunch and had basically written out an intervention for me. She sat me down, prayed with me, cried with me, and gave me some practical things I could do to help me through it. She had Bible verses that I could pray through and that she was praying for me. What a dear sister she is to me. Church members were ministering to us by bringing us meals, giving us gift cards, praying for us, and encouraging us. I had friends bring me flowers, come over and clean my house for me, invite me over for girl's nights and made little gift baskets for me. My parents were also ministering to us in a variety of ways. I remember my mom coming over to our house and encouraging me to open up the blinds, get some sunshine in, and get myself and the baby dressed every day. Just giving me some simple goals to get moving. In the midst of the hardship, God walked with us.
   Time continued on and it took me quite a while to adjust to my thyroid medicine. I gained weight (in addition to the baby weight I hadn't lost), I couldn't sleep, and then I would go to the other end of the spectrum where I felt like I couldn't get out of bed at all and thought I was almost blacking out. My body was on a bit of a roller coaster. The baby was growing and having all sorts of skin problems in addition to his reflux that he had all through his first year. He had to see a dermatologist and an allergy doctor. We discovered he had severe food allergies, a high sensitivity to insect bites, and he also had to get ear tubes put in that year because of terrible ear infections. Our medical debt had risen to about $15,000+. We committed to my being home with the kids and homeschooling, so we were trusting God to take care of us. I started couponing and we cut out a lot of "extras" which included going out to eat, driving out of town (to save on gas), and anything else we could do. Any extra money we had would go to debt. I was also having some other medical issues and we decided at the end of 2013 that I would have surgery. That happened in November, a few weeks before Thanksgiving. This would be my 4th major surgery in a little over a year. I was recuperating pretty well post-op, but when I went for my one week follow up I started feeling bad at the doctor's office. He wanted me to stay close to his office (in Macon) to monitor how I was feeling. We stayed at my parent's house and I began to run fevers for the next couple of days, but never getting up to 102...just lots of chills and fever back and forth. On Thanksgiving Day 2013, the fever rose past 102 and my husband took me to the ER. They couldn't figure out exactly what was going on, but I was admitted for a post-surgical infection. I spent four days in the hospital and was sent home with some antibiotics, which I didn't respond well to. So I went back to my doctor's office and he put me back in the hospital for 3 more days. I finally went home and finished recuperating.
    Once again, friends ministered to us. One friend came and just watched my kids all day while I couldn't get out of bed. Many were praying, bringing us meals, and another friend even invited me to go to the movies. We were so blessed with a wonderful church family. There were even some ladies in Ecuador who heard about all that was going on with us and sent me a small gift to encourage me. Our missionary friends around the world were lifting us up. "The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective" was lived out in our circumstances. God was walking with us through the trials and using His people to meet our needs.

Papa

    We pressed on through 2014 and 2015, continuing to be frugal and trying to be good stewards of what God had given us. I was introduced to essential oils and by using them we saw dramatic improvements in our and our children's overall health, which meant decreased doctor visits...what a blessing. I began to be involved in educating others about essential oils and that was very therapeutic for me. It gave me a new community to be involved in. I was also able to reconnect with old friends and receive prayer, counsel, and an increase in socialization, which I needed. It felt good to teach again, to interact more with people, and be depended on in a new way. It also helped me as I faced times of grieving. I was very blessed to have my grandparents in my life as long as I did, but the loss of one of my grandparents during this time, my mom's dad (Papa), was especially hard for me. He and I always had a special bond. I grew up hearing my mom tell stories about their growing up years, the sacrifices my Papa made and the many ways he loved his children. I experienced that love first hand as my Papa demonstrated his love for me in so many ways. I still miss him, which makes the thought of being with him in Heaven one day all the sweeter.
    God continued to provide for us and by Christmas of 2015, all of our medical debt was paid off. We even had dear friends offer to pay for a large medical bill we had. This was one of our last medical bills and their gift was one that brought my husband and I both to tears. It was like the completion of a very hard chapter in our lives, and God used dear friends who knew all that had happened and had walked with us through it to bring it to a close. A true blessing from God and a tangible expression of how He takes care of His people.
    Even though we had been frugal, we had lacked for nothing. God had consistently not only given us what we needed to survive, but to thrive. My theme word for 2015 was "thrive" because I felt like we had been in "survive" mode for so long. I can look back now and see how God's timing was perfect. He used our time of need to help us learn to depend on Him in new ways and showed us His faithfulness in big ways. This would be especially meaningful as we entered into a new season of hardship and blessing in 2016....