Be You, Baby Girl

When my baby girl was about to be born a little over 11 years ago, I had it all planned out. I had worked for months getting her room all set up. I took birth classes, a hospital tour, breast feeding classes, CPR class...the whole deal. Let's just say none of that went as planned. Not a single thing. I had to leave the hospital without my baby. She was in the NICU and they kept me in the hospital for as long as they could...7 days...while I tried to get through a very difficult birth experience. By the time I had to be discharged Sophie wasn't quite ready to come home. Friends and family saw my baby before I did...I didn't see her until a day after she was born. I was so drugged up I didn't even walk the first day. I couldn't see...somehow my glasses got lost in the midst of our transitioning from one room to another. We finally found them, but everything about the day she was born was a literal blur. When I finally did see her, she was hooked up to an IV and machines...I was afraid to hurt her. Then as she was getting better, one of the nurses would gush over Sophie and say how much she enjoyed holding her during the day. I know she meant well, but it was heartbreaking for me. We finally got to bring her home and she was perfectly fine, but I was dealing with a lot of emotions about the whole experience.

Maybe deep down I also kind of had it planned out as to how our relationship would be, even as she was a young child. That didn't turn out quite what I thought, either. As Sophie grew, she was not your typical baby. She was sleeping all night by 7 weeks old. She liked to be on her own...she didn't really care to be held much or rocked to sleep. The older she has gotten, the more independent she has become. My boys were quite the opposite, so there were times when I wasn't sure how to respond to what I thought was a personality so unlike mine.

First born children...us parents are learning on them. We're trying all the input out...how to feed them, discipline them, love them, potty train them...all the things. My expectations for my smart, independent girl have been sky high. She is quirky (she likes to say she's weird and proud of it). I have had trouble embracing that...because I think deep down I'm expecting her to be like me. The grown up version of me that knows how to act in public, filter my words, match my clothes really well, be this and be that.

So it hit me the other day....my baby girl is just like me in more ways that I realized. The kid version of me. And praise the Lord, it's not too late for me to enjoy who she is in the here and now. Embrace her quirkiness while gently guiding her into maturity. Teach her that God made her just the way she was meant to be because I believe that God has wonderful plans for my girl. Sophie went to camp last week and each girl at camp was given an "award" from their counselor. She was given the "Creative award." The message on the back from her counselor says in part:
"You have been such a joy to me since day one and your respectfulness and love for God and others has been so evident through all of your actions. I believe that God has a great plan for you and will use your kindness to tell the story of Jesus."
This message brought tears to my eyes. To see my precious girl through the eyes of another was a beautiful thing...and a good reminder that God is using her just the way she is. She still needs guidance and correction, and that is part of my job as her mother. But there is also so much I can learn from being around her.

Be you, baby girl. Just the way God made you, quirks and all. Your Momma is learning from you...how to be free from worrying so much about what others think. I love watching you embrace who you are...and you don't realize it now but it's teaching me to do the same. Being around you reminds me of who I was at your age...a young girl who loved being loud, crazy, and silly but who was also passionate about Jesus and telling others about Him. I thank God for all that He's doing in your life and He's using it to work in mine. Love you dearly, my Sophie girl.